Funniest things ever said, new and expanded - Steven Price

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Here are1,237 laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume.

Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone.

There's something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue-from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits.

There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups.

Just a few among the 1,237 funniest things ever said: I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.

They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

-Rita Rudner I don't know if it's good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto.

-Yogi Berra on being told that Joe DiMaggio was to marry Marilyn Monroe I made my money the old-fashioned way.

I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.

-Malcolm Forbes The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness.

Then, after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, 'You know what? Let's just grab lunch.

'-Bill Maher.